So I received my VIP code on Jan 29 and I was pleasantly surprised to see that my promotion ended on my birthday, April 29! I took it as a sign ... of the immanent success this experiment. mmmhmmm
The first profile photo I saw gave me big hope - tall, handsome, athletic, intellectual, fun. He initiated the 'final stage" of communication straight to messaging, skipping the sending back and forth of stock questions. More on this later.
Then it was just downhill from there. Indian comb overs with stache, pregnant beer guts, 5'4"s, Chinese with pleated khakis hiked to his tits, glamour shots on velour chaise, pasty bulimic engineers...
One very conservative looking Asian guy even had "SEX activity" as one of his favorite hobbies.
Close communication - ALL - except the first dude, who I'm holding on to for hope. We'll just call him No. 1 for now. He complimented me on my import girl photo - the one Alta took in Bali of me in my banana dress playing camo in the produce section. We've exchanged a couple emails in which he tried to get my personal email - don't think i'm willing to give any personal details yet. But, I think I'll suggest we meet in person next. (!)
Until 12.30am....
Sunday, January 31, 2010
How many matches?
On the 27th of January, I filled out the seemingly endless questionnaire that asked me to rate everything from my tidiness to my emotional levels. I whizzed through it realizing how well I know myself these days. 10 years ago, I'd be deliberating over every answer trying to deny my natural tendencies while aspiring to be someone I wasn't. Who has time for that now??
If you've ever taken the Meyrs Briggs, the test is very much like these personality tests. It's clear that the programming is very robust and the questionnaire is based on real sociological science, which fascinates me. This is verified by a pretty accurate, for the most part, personality report describing five traits, agreeableness, openness, emotional stability, conscientiousness, and extroversion.
I wonder if the program recognizes contradicting answers. For example, in the beginning the survey, I answered questions that clearly identify me as an "aggressive communicator," one who is passionate about my opinions and expressing them. Then later in the survey, it asks me how much I try to see the other's point of view.
If I can rationally understand the other's view, I will back down from my stance. But if I'm not given compelling rationale to either tolerate and be compassionate of the other view or am convinced that I am wrong, I am pretty passionate and stubborn about my view point. Either way, I stay loyal to the chosen path.
I do want to work on softening these tendencies so when it came to questions that touched the more aspirational self, such as trying to see other's point of view, I did answer it with a bit of a lean towards where I want to be... just being honest.
Curiosity mounted as I finished the survey and my temporary profile was compiled using excerpts from the open-ended questions. I carefully choose 4 no-glam, just honest photos that subtly hinted at my love of travel, creative side and sense of fun.
Hit submit.
Instantly, 7 matches. SEVEN out of the thousands within a 300 radius of San Francisco?? I'm even difficult to please on paper! Apparently, a friend knew someone who had NO MATCHES in the ENTIRE WORLD! An old client of mine had told me after she had taken half a day to finish an online dating survey, it told her that based on her personality, she is not suited for their services! sucks! Suppose I should be grateful for seven!
Well, I was relieved to find out that their slick email marketing strategy is to slowly feed you 7 new matches every day at 12:30am.
But before I found this out, within hours after I received my first matches, TWO already closed communication with posted reasons (1) "our physical distance was just too great" - the dude lived in San Jose. (2) "based on your profile, I'm not interested"
!?!?!?!? Did you SEE my photos and read my very well articulated profile introduction!?!?
Well that completely squelched any snobbery I had left around thinking I was too cool and pretty to do online dating. "As painful as they are, I appreciate experiences that humble me." joyce eHarmony profile
What REALLY killed me was that I hadn't got my VIP code yet so I couldn't even see these guys' photos! One guy's profile talked way too much about how he liked to snuggle with his dog - eeeeks - so fine. All the other matches written profiles all seemed nice enough so I was intrigued.
So here comes pure honesty. No holds barred.
If you've ever taken the Meyrs Briggs, the test is very much like these personality tests. It's clear that the programming is very robust and the questionnaire is based on real sociological science, which fascinates me. This is verified by a pretty accurate, for the most part, personality report describing five traits, agreeableness, openness, emotional stability, conscientiousness, and extroversion.
I wonder if the program recognizes contradicting answers. For example, in the beginning the survey, I answered questions that clearly identify me as an "aggressive communicator," one who is passionate about my opinions and expressing them. Then later in the survey, it asks me how much I try to see the other's point of view.
If I can rationally understand the other's view, I will back down from my stance. But if I'm not given compelling rationale to either tolerate and be compassionate of the other view or am convinced that I am wrong, I am pretty passionate and stubborn about my view point. Either way, I stay loyal to the chosen path.
I do want to work on softening these tendencies so when it came to questions that touched the more aspirational self, such as trying to see other's point of view, I did answer it with a bit of a lean towards where I want to be... just being honest.
Curiosity mounted as I finished the survey and my temporary profile was compiled using excerpts from the open-ended questions. I carefully choose 4 no-glam, just honest photos that subtly hinted at my love of travel, creative side and sense of fun.
Hit submit.
Instantly, 7 matches. SEVEN out of the thousands within a 300 radius of San Francisco?? I'm even difficult to please on paper! Apparently, a friend knew someone who had NO MATCHES in the ENTIRE WORLD! An old client of mine had told me after she had taken half a day to finish an online dating survey, it told her that based on her personality, she is not suited for their services! sucks! Suppose I should be grateful for seven!
Well, I was relieved to find out that their slick email marketing strategy is to slowly feed you 7 new matches every day at 12:30am.
But before I found this out, within hours after I received my first matches, TWO already closed communication with posted reasons (1) "our physical distance was just too great" - the dude lived in San Jose. (2) "based on your profile, I'm not interested"
!?!?!?!? Did you SEE my photos and read my very well articulated profile introduction!?!?
Well that completely squelched any snobbery I had left around thinking I was too cool and pretty to do online dating. "As painful as they are, I appreciate experiences that humble me." joyce eHarmony profile
What REALLY killed me was that I hadn't got my VIP code yet so I couldn't even see these guys' photos! One guy's profile talked way too much about how he liked to snuggle with his dog - eeeeks - so fine. All the other matches written profiles all seemed nice enough so I was intrigued.
So here comes pure honesty. No holds barred.
Can a computer program choose better than I?
"I've been choosing the wrong men my whole life - I wanted to see if a computer program can do better than I can." And those were the words that finally convinced me to jump on the online dating train. Thanks dear friend, you know who you are.
Oh how much her statement struck the deepest cords of regret and confusion as my schizophrenic dating history flashed before my eyes - starting with the bad boys (with a teddy bear interior of course) to the playboys to the nice guys I should have stayed with to the unavailable to chasing the ones that didn't want me.
I absolutely have more faith in technology than in my choice of men. I'm hopelessly tethered to my laptop and shamelessly addicted to my iPhone. I do geek out on technology because I'm fascinated by how it changes life as we know it in an instant (excerpt from my eHarm profile).
So at this point in my life in limbo land, I got nothing to loose!
And Thanks Louisa!
Oh how much her statement struck the deepest cords of regret and confusion as my schizophrenic dating history flashed before my eyes - starting with the bad boys (with a teddy bear interior of course) to the playboys to the nice guys I should have stayed with to the unavailable to chasing the ones that didn't want me.
I absolutely have more faith in technology than in my choice of men. I'm hopelessly tethered to my laptop and shamelessly addicted to my iPhone. I do geek out on technology because I'm fascinated by how it changes life as we know it in an instant (excerpt from my eHarm profile).
So at this point in my life in limbo land, I got nothing to loose!
And Thanks Louisa!
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